10 Boundaries for Happy Polyamory

or…How to Not Get Polyfucked

It’s a harsh but real truth: you can’t have happy, healthy nonmonogamy without boundaries.

Our time and energy are limited. Burning out trying to please everyone doesn’t work outside of relationships. It won’t work inside them, either.

You can certainly try. But nine times out of ten a lack of boundaries will eventually bite you in the butt. Ten times out of nine, they’ll do so at a very inconvenient time-causing conflict and putting one or more relationships at risk.

In a nutshell, a lack of boundaries opens you up to polyfuckery.

Polyfuckery: initiating what one or more parties hopes will be a mutual and loving partnership, then failing to put in the effort required.
Often, more effort is put into sexual aspects of the relationship, leaving polyfucked partners feeling emotionally unfulfilled or even used.

To be clear: there is nothing wrong with pursuing multiple, consensual sexual relationships without becoming emotionally invested (or wanting to). Sexual nonmonogamy is great!

Polyfuckery isn’t about slut-shaming. It’s about naming the misunderstanding, miscalculation, or even intentional deception that happens when someone claims to be polyamorous or interested in polyamory — which…