3 Ways to Reclaim Your Sexy After A Breakup

Shannon Burton, SXI (they/she)
3 min readFeb 1, 2021

Breakups are hard — there’s no doubt about it. Some people cope by “banging it out” with dating app matches and/or people they’ve wanted to sleep with (but couldn’t while partnered). However, this method doesn’t necessarily work for everyone.

For some, it even makes things worse.

For many of us, breakups bring on a loss of libido and an overarching “unsexy” feeling. What’s more, it isn’t uncommon in the final months or years of a declining relationship for sex to take a back seat.

As a result, it’s difficult to jump back into bed with someone new after a relationship ends.

Fortunately, that isn’t necessary.

Taking time to heal and reflect on the end of a relationship is important. At some point, it’s also important to reclaim your sexuality in ways that work for you.

Being sexy isn’t about having sex. It’s about owning your unique sexuality regardless of what everyone else is doing. Here are three ideas on how to reclaim your sexy after a breakup leaves you feeling like you’ve lost it.

1. Shop for New, Sexy Threads

If it’s been a while since you wore an outfit that made you feel sexy, now’s the perfect time to change that. This doesn’t have to be a new look (though it certainly can be if you’d like!). Simply shop for a fresh outfit or two that feels like you.

Prioritize looks that appeal to you, not anyone else. Don’t worry about what others think or find sexy. If shopping online, filter your searches by your favorite colors and styles so that your screen fills with selections that make you giddy. If shopping in-store, take advantage of the dressing room for a private fashion show.

This doesn’t just go for outerwear. Lingerie and undergarments that your ex or exes loved can bring mixed feelings, making it hard to feel sexy while wearing them. Set this complicated clothing aside and shop for something new that’s just for you.

When you finally put these new purchases on, take some time to admire yourself. If the mood strikes, take some selfies or go for a walk to show off your new threads.

2. Have a Boudoir Photo Shoot

Shannon Burton, SXI (they/she)

Sex & Orgasm Coach helping women+ have blissful sex and effortless orgasms. | Visit sexcoachshannon.com for free resources. | 🌈Queer, Kink, & Poly Affirming