8 Lifestyle Dating Tips for Women Over 35

Swiping outside the box in your 30s, 40s, and beyond? Read this.

Shannon Burton, SXI (they/she)


Whether swinging or kinking, seeking a Dom or a pan-poly-switch, dating in the lifestyle comes with its own etiquette and expectations.

the lifestyle: formerly used in reference to swinging, this term now frequently refers to kink, BDSM, ENM, polyamory, cuckolding, and other unconventional relationship practices

The tips below are valuable for people of any age or gender (and most apply in vanilla dating, too).

However, I wanted to really home in on some of the specific things I see coming up for sexually adventurous women my age and above.

After chatting with others like me who are dating in these scenes, here are the most important takeaways I’ve found. Be sure not to miss #8!

1. Don’t let age get you down.

Photo by cottonbro

There’s something about being over 35 (or 45, 55, 65…) that really gets to people’s heads. Our lives may look nothing like we expected them to at our age, and for some that invites insecurity.

The good news, however, is that people in the lifestyle tend to have very different expectations around what we’re “supposed” to be doing at any particular age.

If we’re not kink-shaming couples engaged in age play, we’re certainly not age-shaming people simply for existing as many years as they have.

Of course, there are always exceptions. Ageist kinksters do exist, and even welcoming scenes can feel uncomfortable if you’re the only person over 25 at a party.

It’s also not unheard of for women over 35 to be fetishized for their age. If you don’t mind that, great! If you do, you may have to watch for signs that it’s happening without your consent.

Trust your gut. It’s okay to decide a particular person, organization, or establishment isn’t for you and go on the hunt for a better fit.



Shannon Burton, SXI (they/she)

Sexual Empowerment Coach for Women+🌈 Explore, embrace, and expand your sexuality with virtual, talk-based coaching. Find resources at sexcoachshannon.com