How a Yes, No, Maybe List Inspires Sexual Exploration

In my line of work, I talk to a lot of partnered people who

• are new to sex
• have a limited range of sexual experiences, or
• are no longer as excited by sex as they once were.

These people often want to know how they can make sure they satisfy their partners sexually. Typically, my first recommendation is a Yes, No, Maybe list.

In this post, I’ll tell you a little more about this list, how to use it, and give you a free Yes, No, Maybe list to try for yourself.

What is a Yes, No, Maybe List?

A Yes, No, Maybe list is a great way for partners to get to know one another’s sexual interests and boundaries. It lists a number of sexual activities, and each partner marks whether they are interested in each activity (yes), not interested in it (no), or might be interested (maybe).

This allows each person to get an idea of what types of sex acts excite themselves and their partner. The list gives people in relationships a jumping-off point for conversations about sex.

Everyone is unique and has unique needs. To satisfy your partner, you need to be able to talk about sex with them. A Yes, No, Maybe list opens that door.

How do I use a Yes, No, Maybe List?

To make the most of a Yes, No, Maybe list, you’ll want each partner to have their own copy of the list. This way, partners can each go through the list on their own and decide for themselves which acts they are and are not interested in.

You can either print separate copies, or you can have each partner open the list on separate devices.

It’s very important to give each partner their own time and space to complete the list. If one partner is looking over another’s shoulder, it might affect that partner’s ability to be honest about their own sexual wants and needs.

As we all know, consent is important when it comes to sex. Let all partners sit and think on their own about what they are interested in and where their boundaries are.

Once everyone has completed their lists, it’s time to compare them. Be sure to respect any hard “no” answers that partners have checked off. Spend more time focusing on the “yes” answers that work for everyone, and get clarity on the “maybe’s”.

Don’t want a partner to see your “no” answers? Book a session with me. You can send me your completed lists separately, and I’ll tell you only what you both marked “yes” or “maybe” to, then give you some advice on how to proceed.

What happens after we compare lists?

After you’ve discovered shared sexual interests, the real fun begins. Now that you have an idea of one another’s desires and boundaries, you can safely step into hands-on sexual exploration.

Here are some important things to keep in mind as you do this:

• Discuss details. The acts on a Yes, No, Maybe list can all be completed in countless different ways. Someone may indicate that they want to give oral sex, for example, but not feel comfortable if their partner puts their hands on their head while they do so. Talk about anything you’d each be uncomfortable with.
• Consent is ongoing. If you said “yes” to something on the list then change your mind, that’s okay. Let your partner know your feelings have changed. If your partner lets you know they’ve changed their mind, be respectful of that and try doing something different.
• Be curious. Interested in an item on a Yes, No, Maybe list, but not sure where to start? Look up information or classes for the act online, or book a session with a sex coach for more personalized advice.
• You can add to the list. A Yes, No, Maybe list is never a complete list of all possible sexual acts. That list is constantly growing! If there are things you want to do that aren’t on the list, talk to your partner/s about them.

Free Yes, No, Maybe List

Ready to get started? Great! Here is a free pdf Yes, No, Maybe List for you and any partners to fill out.

Enhance Sexual Exploration with Communication

A good Yes, No, Maybe list is just the beginning of building strong communication skills with partners. For more (and longer) lists, check out my resources page or subscribe to my email list.

Subscribers automatically receive two free Yes, No, Maybe lists in their inbox as soon as they sign up: Yes, No, Maybe for Newcomers to Kink, and Yes, No, Maybe for Anal Play. You’ll also receive all new lists and worksheets as they’re made!

Thanks for reading.

Originally published at http://sexcoachshannon.com on December 16, 2021. Shannon Burton (they/she) is a certified sex coach and educator determined to help clients live fulfilling sex lives.