How to Find (and Vet!) Discreet Play Parties

Shannon Burton, SXI (they/she)
4 min readFeb 8, 2021

Have you attended a play party before?

These sex-positive events are a fun way to make new friends and even engage in new sexual adventures with like-minded people.

With themes ranging from masquerade to game night, and some parties dedicated to BDSM, swinging, or specific kinks, every play party is unique.

Your experience will depend largely on the organizers, the space, and the other people in attendance.

Obviously, play party attendees should and do have high expectations when it comes to safety at an event like this.

Concerns about consent, sexual health, and privacy are very common. There’s also the question of whether an event is safe for everyone, including members of marginalized communities.

As a result, finding and vetting discreet play parties has become quite the art form for adventurous sexplorers.

Here, I’ll outline a few things you can do to identify play parties you can privately attend and what questions to ask to ensure you feel as safe as possible when you go.

Finding Discreet Play Parties

Play parties aren’t all that hard to find these days. Sex clubs openly advertise online and even post event calendars on their social media.

However, these play parties are typically open for anyone to attend, which can be off-putting for many. For parties that are a little more discerning, you’re going to have to get creative.

If you prefer to keep your sleuthing online, try joining sex-positive communities on Reddit and Discord, or kink-centered social media platforms like FetLife

You don’t have to be kinky to go to a play party, but the kink community tends to know where they’re at and who is organizing them.

The organizers of private play parties often manage invite-only groups where event information gets posted.

Shannon Burton, SXI (they/she)

Sex & Orgasm Coach helping women+ have blissful sex and effortless orgasms. | Visit for free resources. | 🌈Queer, Kink, & Poly Affirming