How to Have Great Solo Sex

Shannon Burton, SXI (they/she)
5 min readFeb 15, 2021

Some of my closest friends are “autosexual”. Their best partner is — drumroll, please — themselves. They get themselves off better than any partner they’ve ever had.

This isn’t to say they don’t enjoy partnered sex. They’ve all been in relationships and relayed stories of some very sexy sexytimes. However, their autosexuality does bring up a few questions that I think we should all be thinking about:

  • In what ways can masturbation be just as satisfying, or even more satisfying, than partnered sex?
  • How do autosexual people keep things varied and interesting in the bedroom and stave off boredom?
  • Can non-autosexual people learn how to have better solo sex from autosexual practices?

Let’s explore.

Masturbation That’s Better Than Sex

It’s no secret that vulva owners overall have a harder time orgasming during penetrative sex. And while I don’t want to boil sexual satisfaction down to just orgasms (there are so many other satisfying things!), they certainly do help.

Many partnered people address this issue with clitoral play during sex. This can be done with hands, the mouth, other body parts, or sex toys.

Can vulva owners reach orgasm this way without a partner? Absolutely! Using one’s own mouth may be tough to accomplish, but hands are certainly at reasonable disposal for most people. If they’re not, plenty of toys take the manual work out of stimulating the clitoris.

When we look at orgasms, especially for vulva owners, some of the most powerful climaxes are more likely to come from toys than a partner. Certainly, the potential for very satisfying solo sex is there.

Shannon Burton, SXI (they/she)

Sex & Orgasm Coach helping women+ have blissful sex and effortless orgasms. | Visit for free resources. | 🌈Queer, Kink, & Poly Affirming