To Connect Deeply, We Need Sexual Authenticity

Our true erotic selves hold the key to long-term passion.


“Just be yourself,” the age-old dating advice goes.

And as frustrating as it can be to hear, it makes sense.

Building a relationship with someone from an inauthentic place is a recipe for failure long term. Eventually, you’re bound to get tired of putting on an act.

The same thing goes for sex.

Without knowing your authentic sexual self, it’s easy to end up erotically exhausted.

If you’re maintaining a performance that isn’t true to your actual needs and desires in the bedroom, your energy will quickly drain — with your relationship’s energy soon to follow.

By contrast, knowing and acting from a place of sexual authenticity ensures not only that your deepest desires become reality, but also that you have an endless source of erotic inspiration.

Let’s talk about it.

Meeting your authentic sexual self

Few of us are ever encouraged to explore our sexual selves with intention. Many, especially women, are even actively discouraged from doing so.

As a result, most of us first start to learn about our sexual selves passively.

We’re pulled along by hormones and emotions, steered by whatever stimuli land in front of us through media, education, or experience.

In some cases, our true sexual desires happen to match up with the things we see and learn about.

For example, if you are a straight cisgender person with a deep and singular desire for penis-in-vagina sex, popular media is likely very affirming for you.

For the rest of us, intentional sexual self-exploration is a must. It’s the only way to meet and step into our sexual authenticity.



Shannon Burton, SXI (they/she)

Sex & Orgasm Coach helping women+ have blissful sex and effortless orgasms. | Visit for free resources. | 🌈Queer, Kink, & Poly Affirming